Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
