I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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