capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
