one two three fourrrrnication!
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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