based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
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He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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