i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
