We won't sleep together?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You have to summon your inner elephant
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
