Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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