I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
