I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Two words: nipple clamps
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