Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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