The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
