break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Randomize
