I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
