it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's never too late to be topless.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
