So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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