You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
