the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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