And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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