Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
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I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I woke up under a house in Key West
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