apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
