I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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