Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
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he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
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Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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