omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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