Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
