she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
