I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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