idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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