The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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