you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
