you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The power of my boobs compel you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
