Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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