I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
