Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
