We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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