He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
They took my balls.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
