Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
