We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
