Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
