Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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