Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
