i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
