yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Boobs are out for the taking
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
