Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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