Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
