I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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