I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
