It's like a parade of train wrecks.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
