Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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