he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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