I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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