we have officially lost it.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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