Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
