I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
