guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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