New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
