Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
