So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
