Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
