...so i touched it.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
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