is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
