You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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