sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
