It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
im on a boat
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